Or Picks Up His Phone Lyrics Back Up Again
 | This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Balance and Ricklaxation." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the data comes directly from the episode. |
Transcript
Girl 1: So, Jessica, I heard you lot broke up with Brad.
Girl two: Who are you gonna date; now that you tin can date anyone?
Jessica: I don't know. I mean, manifestly if someone special comes forth. B-But I mean really special, like, nothing I've even remotely considered in the past.
Morty: (muttering while fixing his hair) Holyshitholyshitholyshit.
Girl ane: I desire that kind of love like that docking kind of dearest.
Girl 2: Oh, yeah.
Girl one: Like, penis in the foreskin kind of dear Mm-hmm just, like, warm, just similar...
[girls notice Morty]
Morty: Hey... (Cough) ah...
Rick: Everybody, fuck off. Morty, I need your assist. W-W-West-We We need to go on a quick adventure.
Morty: You said I could become to school today.
Rick: That was before I needed something, Morty. There's a plasma shard in the Abadango Cluster. A princess has it. If I go it, I'll exist awesome.
Morty: We've been going non-terminate, Rick. Information technology's not healthy. You know, these are my teenage years. I-I just found out Jessica's single.
Rick: Oh, that's Wow, Morty. Wow. What an exciting life y'all lead. (shoots portal) Let's go. In and out, 20 minutes adventure.
[Timecard: half-dozen days later. Cut to Rick and Morty inside a space cruiser in unkempt and fatigued condition with Morty in the wheel and Rick belongings wires]
Morty: They're on our tail!
Rick: Steady, Morty. Five cetons.
[The two enters a mothership, while Rick pulls a wire and the ship slows downwards]
Steady, God damn it! Ii cetons.
[Rick inserts an isotope in a box and places information technology on the dashboard and connects it with plugs]
Morty: Wha!
Rick: Fire!
[Morty pulls the trigger and shoots a laser, causing an explosion. The cruiser quickly gains speed]
Rick: Pull up, Morty, pull upward! Pull up!
[The explosion causes a chain of explosions that eventually destroys the whole structure, while the 2 screams all the way and barely escapes the huge blast. Cut to the two on stage in an accolade anniversary. Cut to the two in the vehicle garage and gets in their vehicle. Some bottles can be heard dropping.]
[Morty buckles up]
Rick and Morty: (sigh)
Rick: (continues sighing) Fuck.
Morty: (crying)
Rick: (screams) Oh, fuck! Fuck! Ahh! Ahh!
Morty: I can't fucking practise this anymore!
Rick: That was seriously fucked up. We near died.
Morty: So yous agree?
Rick: Fuck yep! That westward... T-This was insane! That was pure luck. I was not in control of that state of affairs at all.
Morty: (continues crying)
Rick: (notices his hands shaking) Look at this, Morty. Wait at my fucking hand. Look at this shit.
Morty: Why do yous... Keep doing this to united states of america?!
Rick: I don't know, Morty. Maybe I detest myself, possibly I think I deserve to die. I-I-I-I don't I don't know!
Morty: (cries again)
Rick: We need a holiday.
(intro plays)
(Screen shows an alien spa. Aliens are seen relaxing and walking around. An conflicting worker is seen pressing a push which makes a big pink creature spit out relaxed Rick and Morty onto a comfy mattress.)
Rick: Isn't that something?
Morty: You were right. Best day spa in the galaxy.
Rick: It'due south not even cruel, either. These things are just doing what they exercise in the wild. It loves swallowing stressed-out creatures for 20 minutes and and so puking them up.
Morty: My whole torso's similar a baby's ass.
(Scene cuts to Rick and Morty walking down a hallway with different rooms in it while holding drinks.)
Alien: Complimentary psychological detox? Removes all your cognitive toxins, (clears throat) purifies your system.
Rick: Oof, this guy on committee or something?
Morty: I don't recollect. Are you on commission?
Alien: We're non on (gurgle) committee. Nosotros get (gurgle) paid by the hour. In that location's no incentive really-
Rick: (Bellyaching) Oh, my god. Okay, listen. W-W-W-We'll endeavor the car, but but I'd like you lot to endeavor something. Try swallowing the giant ball of snot that'south dangling effectually in the back of your throat. (Throws drink on the ground while getting in the aliens face up) It's icky. Nobody wants to hear that. Ahem. Ahem! That'south what you lot do.
Morty: (Grabs Rick by the arm and drags him into the room): Okay, Rick, come on. Enough.
(Rick and Morty both sit on the seats as the doors shut)
Rick: Wow, did yous hear me bite that guy'south caput off? Geez, I really demand to chill.
Morty: Maybe you should go through twice.
Rick: All right, mister comedy man, y'all don't have to bust my balls. You're not helping things.
(The car starts to milkshake and make loud noises. Rick and Morty look around, Concerned.)
Morty: Rick, is this thing supposed to exist making this no-
(The room explodes with a brilliant flash of white.)
(The white fades with a ringing racket for a few seconds, showing Rick laying downwardly in a gross mucky surface of mud like stuff. He is made out of the aforementioned gunk. Rick lifts his face out of the muck and looks around, squinting. His whole surrounding is mucky, dark and gross.)
Toxic Rick: (He stands up and shouts out for Morty.) Morty!
Toxic Morty: (Toxic Morty is seen about completely sunk inside the mud.) (Waves his hand weakly to get Rick'due south attention.) R-Rick.
Toxic Rick: Morty! (He walks upwards to Toxic Morty and forcefully grabs him and yanks Morty out and back onto his feet.)
Toxic Morty: Ugh! What Happened?
Toxic Rick (Yelling at scared Toxic Morty): Nosotros blew up, idiot! Are you lot actually that stupid? Apparently the guy I yelled at overloaded the machine. It takes more than that to impale Rick and Morty, motherfucker!
(A group of angry, groaning and mucky creatures crawl towards Toxic Rick and Toxic Morty.)
Toxic Rick: But this might do information technology. Run, Morty!
(Toxic Rick grabs Toxic Morty'southward arm and run away from the creatures.)
Toxic Morty: E-Everything hurts!
Toxic Rick: That's because you're worthless! (He steps on a animal's face that's in the muck, killing it.) Jesus, how big was this explosion? I'm a genius. I don't accept fourth dimension for this shit.
(They both run across a messy and mucky cave. Toxic Rick throws Toxic Morty into it.)
Toxic Morty: (Scared, in the fetal position) West-W-We're in Hell, aren't we, Rick?
Toxic Rick: (Points at Toxic Morty, yelling at him.) Yous're so stupid, Morty. You're an (Belches) idiot. At that place'south no such thing as Hell.
Toxic Morty: I believe you, but I only want to die.
Toxic Rick: Yous tin dice when I say so. I command you lot. I command the universe! Why am I bragging about that? I have nothing to prove. I'thou surrounded by inferior pieces of shit and –
(He stops her sentence and notices something. He stares at scared Toxic Morty every bit a slice of his cheek melts off.)
Toxic Rick: Toxins. We're not in Hell, Morty. (Looks effectually) We're in the detoxifier. The machine didn't blow upwards. It worked normally. (Wipes goo off of his arm) Information technology removed our toxins. (He grabs Toxic Morty's face.) We're the toxins.
Toxic Morty: (Starts screaming in terror) Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!
Toxic Rick: Are y'all listening, you stupid little garbage person?! (Shakes Toxic Morty) We're what got removed!
(Scene cuts to happy Rick and Morty walking out of the room every bit the doors open.)
Alien: I hope yous both found that detox sufficiently relaxing.
Rick: Hey, man, listen Those comments I made well-nigh your pharynx?
Alien: (Clears pharynx and swallows.) (Puts his easily up.) It's all good.
Rick: It's nice of yous to permit me off the hook. It's however unacceptable behavior, and I exercise regret it.
Alien: Believe me, man, I've been working here a long time. I get it.
(Scene cuts to Rick and Morty in the spaceship flying dorsum dwelling. They're both happy and relaxed.)
Morty: Hey, uh, you mind if I put on some music?
Rick: Non at all.
(Morty presses a button that plays a song.)
Radio: Grab my terrifolds...
(They both bob their heads to the shell every bit they look at each other.)
Rick: What is that?
Morty: I just hit shuffle.
Rick: Are yous kidding?
Morty: Haha.
Rick: This universe. (Burps) Oh, excuse me.
Morty: We should listen to i random vocal a day, you know? We'd terminate up hearing more songs we didn't like, but we'd detect a lot more that nosotros did.
Rick: That is an interesting concept. You lot know, it makes me wonder if there'due south an algorithmic expression that could accomplish the ideal ratio. Pfft! Listen to me, trying to calculate happiness over here.
Morty: Hoo, if anyone could, Rick.
Rick: Hey, hither's something no science could measure out. I'm real proud to be your grandpa, Morty.
Morty: Thank you, Rick. I love you.
(Screen cuts dorsum to Toxic Rick and Morty. Toxic Morty is sitting down while making a pot/vase, while Toxic Rick is mixing upwardly chemicals.)
Toxic Rick: Yeah, motherfucker! Yes! Get it! Become some! Correct up your fucking bitch ass, y'all fuck! Guess who only discovered a new element?! Y'all think you could practise that, Morty? You retrieve anyone but me could do that ever in a billion years? Do you think if God existed he could do it? The answer is no. If God exists, it's fucking me!
Toxic Morty: Yep, Rick. I-I concord, Rick.
Toxic Rick: While you were flapping your parasitic turd holster, I discovered the toxic equivalent of electricity, Morty. What exercise you lot think near that?
Toxic Morty: Uh I th-I think my phonation is abrasive.
Toxic Rick: It is, and it's your best quality.
Toxic Morty: (Sad) And then true.
(Scene cuts to Harry Herpson Loftier School, where Mr. Goldenfold is instruction a math grade.
Mr. Goldenfold: Now, who can tell me the common denominator of these 2 factions? You don't know or y'all just bored?
Morty: Hey, listen, you know, wh-If we're all bored over hither, wouldn't the mutual denominator be you?
(All the students laugh)
Mr. Goldenfold: Damn, Morty. That's hilarious. Normally I would come up downward on any kind of disruption, merely it seems to represent a positive change for your grapheme. Class dismissed!
(The happy Students cheer.)
Off screen student: Crawly, Morty!
Student with glasses: Y'all washed good, Morty. (High fives him.)
Off screen pupil 2: Oh yep!
(Scene cuts to Morty walking downward the school hallway.)
Female educatee: Cheers for the communication, Morty.
Morty: You got it.
Female student ii: I did it, Morty!
Morty: I knew y'all could.
Mitch: Hey, Morty, recall yesterday when I couldn't play the trombone? Well, check this out! (Plays a melody on his trombone.)
Morty: (Snapping his fingers) Just similar I told y'all, Mitch. The music was in your heart the whole fourth dimension.
Female educatee looking into her mirror: Stupid hat Wish I had the courage to just be myself.
(Morty takes her hat off.)
Female Student: (Smiles) In that location you are.
(Morty dances around to the trombone and stops in front end of a bully.)
Smashing: You might accept all these idiots fooled, but I know yous're yet the same pathetic loser hiding behind a confident facade. I know that considering I'm doing the same thing, brother. I'm non alone anymore!
(Students gloat and walk away.)
Jessica: Hey, Morty. Give-and-take effectually schoolhouse is you lot've become super healthy.
Morty: I don't know about all that. I do, notwithstanding, know that I have a pretty bad example of haven't taken you lot to dinner-itis. Might be fatal. Hahaha!
Rick: (Walks up to Morty and Jessica): Hey, kids. Uh, hope I'm not interrupting. Morty, a moment of your time?
Morty: Happy to assistance, Rick.
(Scene cuts to the motorcar park outside the school.)
Rick: I hate to bug you with this, just after our morning time hike I started receiving very faint, highly unusual transmissions on my sub ether phone. Listen.
(Rick pulls out his phone and plays a recorded bulletin. Dislocated Morty listens to the distorted message, every bit it starts to sound like a growling creature and a crowd shrieking. Rick and then stops the bulletin.)
Morty: Information technology'southward a bad phone. Chuck it. I downgraded to a clamshell for emergencies only. You know, if if if something'southward worth maxim, I-it's worth centre contact.
Rick: Uh, I-I-I traced the source of the call back to the spa we went to, Morty. I thought I could hear a vocalism in there, so I enhanced it, a-and listen.
(Rick plays the enhanced and distorted bulletin.)
Toxic Rick: Hey, asshole!
Toxic Morty: Oh, man!
Toxic Rick: Remember the states?
Toxic Morty: Oh, I don't similar confrontation!
(Morty listens with a blank stare.)
Toxic Rick: You fucked usa, you pieces of garbage! That's correct, y'all're fucking garbage, not us. I'm a fucking genius and a god. You really think this thing can hold me? I'm gonna rip your throat...
(Rick stops the audio.)
Rick: Morty, what if the toxic parts of us have their own identities, their ain volition to live?
(Rick and Morty both walk over to a crimson car and sit on it'south front end.)
Rick: W-What if mine shares my intelligence and devised a way to reach out to usa?
Morty: Sounds like he's in a lot of pain. Lot. O. Hurting. But, you know, y'all shouldn't have to bargain with that, human being. Yous know, 50-let's work off your trauma with some urban spin yoga. Information technology's amazing. Yous do yoga on a cycle, but you have an at-risk preteen-
Rick: I don't think I tin can just blow this off, Morty. If I had known it worked this way, I wouldn't take detoxed. Well, I would take considering I was toxic. At present I'm detoxed and I'm accountable to my toxins, right? I-Information technology's a dilemma.
Morty: I recollect I know what to practice. (Grabs Rick'due south phone and breaks it in half.)
Rick: Morty!
Morty: Rick! Haha. (Hops off the motorcar.) Yous know, the merely problem here is a big fat brain that misses eating all them big fatty issues. Focus on the good thing. Trust me, things are skilful. Taking that abroad from me, heh. That wouldn't exist healthy.
(Rick stares at Morty, concerned.)
Morty: Hahaha! Hahahaha! Oh, homo. World's Greatest Grandad, for reals. (Walks away.) It's not merely a java cup for you lot, bud. You're legit. (Catches a football game that was kicked towards him, and chucks it dorsum to an off screen person.)
(Scene cuts to A restaurant. Morty is seen at a table with Jessica, and a waiter, who is writing downwards an lodge. Morty is drumming on the table.)
Morty: I beloved drums. I never took drum lessons. Why? Limitations. Nosotros are fond to our own limitations. How amazing is that? Is the kale prepared in the kitchen? I'll have a water.
Jessica: Uh How is the "cru-dite?"
Waiter: Crudité. It'southward a cup of carrot sticks.
Morty: Ha! It'due south okay! Pronounce it however y'all want. Words are but things. Please. Thank you. We're having a conversation.
(The waiter leaves with the menus.)
Morty: God, I am so excited to finally have dinner with you. You know how long I've been waiting for this? It's like, whew! I-I-I wish yous'd shut upwards, though. But kidding. You know, y'all're and then quiet. What's wrong? Westward-Why don't y'all tell me about yourself? What's the atmosphere like on planet Jessica? Where's the equator, what are the vacations, a-and the holidays? I mean, y'all know, haha, are they the aforementioned time? Talk to me.
Jessica: Well I... similar this restaurant.
(Morty bashes on the tabular array, startling Jessica.)
Morty: Holy shit! Holy shit! We have a moron over here! I'm an idiot. I can't believe I oasis't thought of this. You have to do this detox thing I did. It'southward an conflicting spa, you go through it, fwoos-s-south-ssh, lasers, bwaa-bwaa-bwaa, wheeew wheeew! Sucks everything out. Everything that was holding me back, everything bad, I mean, it merely sluuuurp! Hahaha! Right?
Jessica: (Awkwardly) Cooooool. (She grabs her phone and looks at information technology. It's out of battery.) Oh, my God! I tin can't believe this.
Morty: Yeah, phones are awful, I downgraded to- (Goes to grab her phone but she interrupts him.)
Jessica: I totally forgot my I take a thing, and...
Morty: Things are good.
Jessica: You know what? Why am I doing that? That's more rude than the truth. Look, I'g sorry, Morty. I just don't think...
Morty: Do not. Even. You have no need to explain. It'southward all good.
Jessica: I call back you'd go bored with me. (Gets up out of her chair and leaves.)
Morty: E-Exactly. Expect, the sparks aren't flying. This is what dating is for, you know? First date, no sparks. No damage, no worries. Life is a highway. Nosotros're gonna ride information technology all night lonnngg!
(The waiter comes dorsum and easily him his food.)
Morty: Gonna eat some "crudite. Mmm! Is this organic? Mmm. (He looks around the restaurant.) All right. You know, the evening continues. (His attention is on this one girl who's sitting at the bar.) Okay, here we get.
(Morty walks up to the girl and grabs a chair to sit side by side to her.)
Morty: Ma'am, I'thou afraid I have some bad news for y'all. Your coin'southward no good here. Haha! (To the Bar tender) I'll I'll get the side by side round, sir.
Stacy: Aren't you a kid?
Morty: Only in the ways that affair. Morty.
Stacy: (Sigh.) Stacy.
(Bar Tender gives Morty a potable.)
Morty: I've been watching y'all beverage, Stacy. I become the feeling you've got a hard chore. I wonder what it takes to delight you. That'south the job I want Part time, full time, I want to exist skillful at it, bad at information technology, I desire to go promoted, fired, corner office, hostile takeover, workplace accident I'grand on my knees, Stacy. Praying, worshipping, begging, whatever you desire. (Sniff) What do you remember almost that?
Stacy: (Turns to look at Morty.) Okay. Fuck it.
(Morty and Stacy clink glasses.)
Morty: Tink.
(Scene cuts to Rick's garage. He is seen fixing up something. A taxi parks well-nigh the firm, the taxi drives abroad every bit Morty and Stacy leave of it.)
Morty: (Kisses Stacy) Mm! Let'southward inquire my grandpa. He'due south a scientist.
(They both walk into the garage.)
Morty: Hey, Rick, are you familiar with "Ben Wa" technology?
Rick: (Get'due south up.) Morty, great news. I went dorsum to the spa and they permit me purchase the containment unit of measurement from their detoxifier.
Morty: Why?
Toxic Rick: (On the screen that's connected to the containment unit.) Because we're coming dwelling, bitch!
Morty: What is this?
Toxic Rick: This is the parts of your pussy grandfather that keep it real. Oh oh, and I think yous dropped something, as well! (He grabs Toxic Morty.)
Toxic Morty: I don't want to be on photographic camera. I'm ugly and gross, delight.
Stacey: Should I get?
Morty: Yous're your ain person, Stacy.
Stacy: Then I'd like to stay.
(Toxic Rick puts Toxic Morty back down off screen.)
Morty: Rick, please tell me you're not trying to put that stuff back within of usa.
Rick: Morty, I'thousand deplorable. That stuff is live and information technology belongs with us. Nosotros yanked them from their homes and locked them in a tin. (Knocks on the containment unit, knocking Toxic Rick over.)
Toxic Rick: Motherfucker!
Rick: Run across? They're living in pain.
Morty: That's what they do, Rick, they live in pain. They are pain, you know? They they're all the bad parts of us, which, by the style, includes our dishonesty, so how do you know this isn't all some sort of crazy trick?
Toxic Rick: Oh, so now because I'm fabricated entirely of toxins I'thousand also a liar? Fuck y'all, you little sociopath. (Grabs Toxic Morty again.) You hear this, Morty?
Toxic Morty: Oh, everybody hates me. I tin tell. Y-Y'all all hate me.
Toxic Rick: (Puts him back downward.) All correct, shut up, Morty. Healthy Rick, are we doing this or what?
Rick: Yes. Sorry, Morty. I need you to step into the booth. (Opens the door to the berth.)
Morty: (Shakes his head with his arms crossed.)
Toxic Rick: Don't negotiate with that fiddling turd, dummy. Y'all're the Rick. You lot need to show dominance. Morty, booth, at present. (Toxic Rick grabs Toxic Morty and shoves him into the berth. He gets in too, and closes the door.)
Rick: Booth! Come on, Morty.
Morty: Don't bear upon me!
Rick: Morty, do the good for you thing and voluntarily retoxify yourself. (Rick grabs Morty every bit they both struggle.)
Morty: Nooooo!
Stacy: Is it incorrect if I think this is kind of hot?
(Rick pulls Morty into the berth with him.)
Morty: Let me out of here! Stacy, assist! Open up the door!
Stacy: I need to hear our safe word, Morty.
Morty: Sea Cucumber! Body of water Cucumber!
(Stacy opens the door and forcefully pulls Rick and Morty out of the booth.)
Rick: What are you lot doing?
(Stacy pushes them out.)
Stacy: I'll do anything for you, Morty.
Rick: No!
(A giant cloud of gas whirls around Stacy, as Toxic Rick and Toxic Morty take her place.)
Toxic Rick: It worked! Haha! Yes! That idiot believed every word. At present let'due south meet how he enjoys living in that shit tank.
(Stacy opens the door to the booth inside the containment unit.)
Toxic Rick: He's correct behind me, isn't he? (Looks behind him.)
Toxic Morty: He's in front of yous.
Toxic Rick: Oh. (Rubs eyes.) My eyes are still adjusting.
Stacy: (Through the screen.) Uh, is this like a sex dungeon? I judge I should've been paying attention.
(CUT)
(Scene continues.)
Toxic Rick: Later 70 years of beingness bottled upward inside a (Burp) sentimental jackass, I finally get to alive my own life.
Rick: You said nosotros were merging.
Toxic Rick: I lied, dumbass! I lie well-nigh everything! Why would I ever re-merge with a pussy similar you?
Rick: So you were simply gonna trap the states in that tank? T-That was your programme?
Toxic Rick: Non was, motherfucker, withal is.
(Toxic Rick punches Rick in the confront, knocking him into the ground. Rick's nose starts to bleed.)
Morty: (Points to Toxic Rick.) Kill him, Rick!
Toxic Morty: (Hides behind the door to the berth.) I don't like this! This is scary!
Rick: (Gets up, ready to fight with his fists upwards.) All right, you asked for it.
Toxic Rick: Did I ask for this? (Kicks Rick in the crotch. Rick groans in pain, grabbing his crotch.) Did I ask for this? (Grabs Rick'south shoulders and repeatedly knees him in the crotch.) Huh? Did I?
(Rick falls into the ground, hugging his tum.)
(A robot gun pokes out of Rick's chugalug buckle.)
Groin Organization 6000: Assessing threat to groin.
Toxic Rick: Groin Arrangement 6000. Kill him!
Groin Organisation 6000: (Faces Rick, and then looks back.) That... is my groin's user.
Toxic Rick: Believe me, I got a lot more utilise out of that thing than he ever did.
Groin System 6000: Yous know what? Not my table. (Turns dorsum into a belt buckle.)
(Rick gets back up, punching Toxic Rick in the jaw. Toxic Rick so grabs Rick and bashes him confronting his shelf and his wall, making a mess.)
(Scene cuts to Summer, watching tv in the living room. She's watching an episode of 'The Days And Nights Of Mrs. Pancakes.' She doesn't notice the two Ricks fighting outside.)
Mrs. Pancakes: Yous do know me.
Summer: (Gasp.)
(toxic Rick grabs Rick and throws him through the glass door, smashing the door and the coffee tabular array. Toxic Rick gain to punch Rick in the confront some more.)
Summer: What the hell, Grandpa Rick?
Toxic Rick: Fuck yous, Summer!
Rick: Sorry, Summer!
(Toxic Rick runs up to a house plant, pulling downwardly one of it'due south leaves. It turns out to be a lever to a car that dispenses a round grenade type device. He is about to pull the pin.)
Rick: Okay, okay, take information technology easy. Don't do information technology.
(Toxic Rick pulls the pin, and the device opens up to reveal a little blue alien inside. Toxic Rick starts to caress is, equally it grows bigger and bigger.)
Toxic Rick: I love you. Good boy. Daddy'due south little boy.
Rick: Summer, leave of hither! Go!
(Summer runs away to rubber.)
Toxic Rick: Oh, who'south that?
(The creature grows bigger and changes color, as Rick somersaults over the couch, and to a secret compartment that he reveals under the carpet. It scans his hand.)
Toxic Rick: (Burp) Who's that over there? Oh, no.
(The compartment opens upwards and shows a gun with an injection device on it. Rick injects himself with information technology.)
Toxic Rick: You run across the bad human in front of you? You're a adept little boy, you're gonna become him. You're gonna get him.
(The large ambitious creature lunges towards Rick, but he shoots the gun injection at Toxic Rick before getting mauled to death by the alien monster.)
Toxic Rick: Ahh! Son of a... (He runs up to a bookshelf, pushing the books over to observe a book that scans him and opens up to give him the same type of injection gun. He injects himself and shoots it at the monster, right before the injection he got took result and a naked infant Rick bursts through his chest, killing him. Information technology grows to Rick's normal historic period.) (The monster conflicting turns around and runs towards Rick, right before naked toxic Rick bursts through it, killing it.)
Toxic Rick: Nice try, asshole.
Rick: We can resolve (Huff) our issues. Nosotros don't need to resort to over-the-top- Aah!
(Toxic Rick kicks Rick in the face, knocking him down.) (At that moment, Toxic Morty crashes through the walls of the living room with Rick's spaceship. The tank and the booth is attached to the back of it.)
Toxic Morty: I-I did information technology, Rick. I got the tank! I-I'm a piece of shit, simply I got the tank!
Toxic Rick: You're going in that tank, motherfucker. Y'all're gonna (burp) live in that toxic shit wasteland similar I had to practice!
(Morty runs out of nowhere and gets into the ship, bitter Toxic Morty'southward head.)
Toxic Morty: Ahh! Ow! (Toxic Morty can't control the send every bit it starts crashing all around the living room.) (Rick and Toxic Rick duck to avoid information technology. It eventually jams into a wall.)
Toxic Rick: That'southward right, motherfucker! You lot're going in that fucki-
(Beth walks into the living room with groceries. everyone only stares at her.
Beth: (Confused) Dads?
Rick: Okay, only Just leave her out of it.
Beth: What'south going on?
Toxic Rick: All right, fuck this. Time for plan B If I tin't trap you in a toxic world, (Climbs up to the ship, grabs Morty and throws him out.)
Morty: Ahh!
Toxic Rick: I'll just make the whole globe toxic. (Flips Rick off and crashes the spaceship through the roof, flying abroad.)
(Summertime comes out from hiding.)
Rick: It's okay, girls. I-I'g so sorry I put the states in danger with some of my behavior. I-If you'd like I can go out in the chiliad-garden, pick some fresh basil, and brand us a nice Scallopini.
Beth: What did the booger version of you mean when he said he was going to make the whole world toxic?
Rick: Believe me, sweetie, that human being's motivations are a mystery.
Morty: Screw that, Rick. We got to finish him. What's the terminal thing you'd think virtually doing with that tank thing?
Rick: (Walks up to Morty and bends downward virtually him) Morty, I appreciate what y'all're trying to exercise, but it's not our place, you know, to selection and choose which world gets saved from what apocalypse. Our our toxins have every bit much a right to their worldview as-
(Morty slaps Rick.)
Rick: Morty, how is it healthy to slap me?
Morty: Obviously my version of health is a hell of a lot different from yours, yous useless old turd.
Rick: Wait. That's it. (Gets back up.) How could that detox machine know the difference between healthy and ill for everything that goes through it? It can't. It must be by the individual's own definition of toxicity. That means...
(Rick slaps Morty.)
Beth: Dad!
Morty: What the What the hell, Rick?
Rick: (Grabs Morty and runs.) I'll explain on the way.
(Screen cuts to a big tower located almost a mill. Toxic Rick has built a car on it to toxify the earth.)
Toxic Rick: This "Moon Tower," Morty, (Burps) is the perfect height and metallic composition for the (burps) amplification and beaming of toxic energies. What do y'all think about that, Morty? Are you excited about that, Morty?
Toxic Morty: Oh, homo. I'm just freaked out. I-Information technology'south besides high up hither.
Toxic Rick: In one case I flip this switch, the entire earth is gonna exist but as toxic every bit us, baby. (He pulls the lever.)
(The automobile lights upwardly with electricity and sends rays of the toxic goop all over globe.)
(Screen cuts to an active church.)
Priest: As nosotros praise our loving Father-
(The church building get toxified.)
Priest: (Rips off his shirt.) God is a lie! We made him up for money!
(Everyone is the church immediately starts doing sexual things to each other.)
(Scene cuts to a street with nutrient stores.)
(The street gets toxified.)
(A group of teenagers run out of a 'saladworks' and into a fast food store while a woman runs out of the fast food store and starts eating out of the dumpster bin.)
(Scene cuts to a children's birthday political party with a man dressed up as a clown mouse mascot.)
(The lawn become toxified.)
Homo: (Takes off the mouse caput.) Santa Claus isn't real. (Kicks a boy into the pool right before the kids start stabbing the guy with forks and knifes, every bit he bleeds everywhere.) You were all mistakes!
Toxic Rick: Hahahahahaha! We fucking did it, Morty. Put your fucking hands in the air. (Grabs Toxic Morty's arm and lifts information technology.) Yeah, you picayune piece of shit.
(Rick and Morty land backside them with jetpacks.) (Toxic Rick and Toxic Morty turn around.)
Rick: Remember me?
Toxic Rick: Didn't you lot learn last time that you tin can't beat out me?
Rick: Aye, I did. So I learned something else. (Pulls a gun out of his lab glaze.) This.
(Rick shoots Toxic Morty in the articulatio genus, causing him to collapse in pain.)
Toxic Morty: Ahh!!
Rick: That bullet is laced with an encrypted nanobotic virus that will disintegrate your Morty in near, ah, twenty minutes.
Toxic Rick: Yous retrieve I give a shit?
Rick: I know you give a shit, dummy. Because I know I don't. Here's some other matter I know. The decryption key that neutralizes the virus. (He pulls put an injection with a tube to the other injection part.) You desire it? Come and become it. Merge with me and yous'll know how to save him.
Toxic Rick: Pfft. Come on, man. I've been trapped in your pussy brain for 70 years of delusions, but this is the all-time weakest bluff that I've e'er-
(Rick shoots Toxic Morty in his other articulatio genus, causing him to yell out in hurting again.)
Toxic Morty: Ow-Ohh!!
Toxic Rick: (Dodges the bullet.) Jesus Christ! What are you doing?!
Morty: He's cutting your time in half. 10 minutes.
Toxic Morty: Ohh! Information technology hurts!
Toxic Rick: What is your problem?
Rick: Oh, I had all my problems removed my entitlement, my narcissism, my crippling loneliness, my irrational attachments.
(Toxic Rick glances at hurt Toxic Morty, and looks back every bit his middle twitches.)
Rick: They must be somewhere. They ain't over hither, bro.
Toxic Rick: I'm not going back in there!
Rick: Honestly, I don't intendance either way. I hate having you in me. And when I say "honestly" you can believe it, because we both know I'm too salubrious to lie. Sentinel.
(Rick shoots Toxic Morty for the third time. This fourth dimension, in the shoulder. He continues to cry out in pain as he holds his bleeding shoulder. He'south getting weaker and weaker.)
Toxic Rick: All correct! Knock information technology off! You're not impressing anyone. (He kneels down and holds Toxic Morty.) Morty, not that I give a shit, only are you okay?
Toxic Morty: Jesus Christ, information technology hurts.
Toxic Rick: Relax, quit your bitching. Y-You're gonna be fine. Grandpa's here.
Rick: Hahahahahaha.
Toxic Rick: Yous retrieve that's funny?
Rick: Y-You got to accept a sense of sense of humour almost these things. Oh, wait, y'all can't. You lot're literally incapable of seeing the bigger moving-picture show. I approximate it'south just funny because you've never done anything but complain about me existence in charge, but if I e'er gave you the wheel we'd be dead in five minutes.
Toxic Morty: Ah, Rick?
Rick: Y'all poor, dumb, sick beast.
Toxic Morty: Augh... Rick?
Toxic Rick: Ahh! (Gets upwardly and walks towards Rick.) Just practise it! Only do it, you lot piece of-
(Rick injects Toxic Rick in the head, then injects himself with the other end. He then presses a button, sucking Toxic Rick into the tube and back into himself.)
Rick: Aaahhh! I'm back, infant! (Dances around.) Regular Rick! Main of both worlds! Cheque it information technology out! (Farts in Morty's face.) Alibi me. (Walks upwardly to the lever.) Now we'll but reverse this hacky toxicity beam. Homo, I really over recollect shit when I'm angry.
(Rick lifts the lever. The machine sucks the toxicity dorsum upwards.)
(Scene cuts back to the Church. The people are still doing sexual acts, until the toxic goo goes away. They all of a sudden stop doing what they were doing.)
Priest: God is not a prevarication.
(Scene cuts back to the street. The toxicity disappears, and the group of people leave the fast food shop and go dorsum into 'Saladsworks,' while the other girl stops eating the trash and runs back into the fast food place.)
(Scene cuts to the childrens birthday party. The kids are seen killing each other and making monkey noises, and the man mascot is massacred. The toxicity goes, and the kids realize what they did, and first crying hysterically. )
Crying boy: Mommy! Mommy!
Rick: (Looking around with binoculars.) Ha! All correct, Morty, now information technology's time we re-merge your little ass.
(Morty is seen flying away with his jet pack.)
Morty: You're a ameliorate man than me, Rick. I'one thousand salubrious enough to acknowledge that!
Rick: That kid is a existent piece of shit.
Toxic Morty: (Moaning in pain.) Y-Y-You're gonna save me, right?
Rick: (Picks upwards Toxic Morty.) Part of me wanted to, Toxic Morty. Role of me actually wanted to. (He sticks the injection into Toxic Morty.)
(Scene cuts to a workplace somewhere in the city in a big building. Everyone inside are decorated working.)
Worker: (On the phone.) I'yard telling you, these shares are hot.
Worker 2:(On the phone.) Aye. That sounds similar a good thought. It's definitely a good idea.
Morty: (Also on the telephone.) Duane, Duane, Duane, I get it, now tin can you lot get me? Have I always lied to you lot? (Grabs an apple on his desk.) That's right, and ask around, I never practise, Duane.
(Workers quiet downward to listen to Morty's telephone call.)
Morty: Let me put this real simple. This stock is a beautiful redhead, recently unmarried, not looking to engagement but set to autumn in honey, and fate has put her locker two down from yours, Duane 2 lockers down. (Winks at two female workers. They both giggle.) So step upwardly or step off, Duane. Bluish pill or red pill, what'll be, bro? Totally empathize, Duane. You're the boss. (Stops the telephone call.) Heinholz Biotech Million and a half at thirty-three. (Bites the apple as everyone thanks and throws their papers.)
Worker in a red shirt: (Catches the apple.) Heh.You footling fucking monster.
(Scene cuts to Morty's apartment in another alpine building. He'due south cutting up carrots for a snack.)
Morty: Mmm! Is this organic? Mmm! (Morty'south telephone rings, and he answers, as he walks up to his window at the view.) Become for Morty.
Jessica on the phone: Howdy, Morty. It's Jessica. Await, can we just talk for a minute?
Morty: Is that how long information technology takes for Rick to trace my location?
Jessica: Come back, Morty. I miss yous.
Morty: Yous miss the quondam me. You miss someone that loved y'all so much you lot never had to dearest 'em back.
(A redhead is seen opening the kitchen door.)
Jessica: How practice you know I don't desire to love yous?
Morty: Because I'm non sick. (Presses a button.)
Jacquelyn: (Sits at the bench.) Ex-girlfriend? Should I be jealous?
Morty: (Puts his telephone on the bench.) There's nix to be jealous of.
Jacquelyn: (Sigh) I just realized that I'm scheduled to speak at that fundraiser on our appointment night. I tin can abolish.
Morty: We'll be together. That's a date.
Jacquelyn: You are the perfect homo. (Notices Morty's phone.) Oh, sweetie, (Picks it up to bear witness Morty.) I think you hit the incorrect button. You didn't hang upwards.
Morty: Huh. How 'bout that?
(Half-dozen robot drones suddenly crash through the window. One hovers most Jacuelyn, armed, and the others wrap around Morty, keeping him in identify.) (A portal appears on the ceiling and Jessica and Rick fall through information technology.)
Rick: Sorry, tiny American Psycho, (Holds up the injection.) time to take the reverse of your medicine.
Morty: Practise what you got to practice.
(Rick injects Morty, equally he screams in pain. The robot drones let go of him, equally he falls to the ground, his limbs having a painful spasm.)
Morty: Oh! Ow! Ahh! (Eventually, Morty gets up.)
Jessica: And so, how practise you feel, Morty?
Morty: Ah, geez. I'm miserable.
Rick: Am I good or what?
Morty: I guess it'southward worth it, though, to know how much yous care.
Jessica: Care? Me? Morty, I'm fine with y'all. I only did this for him. (Points at Rick.)
Rick: You lying bitch. She kept coming to our house, Morty, and kept asking me. "Did did d-did you become a new Morty even so?"
Jessica: Considering y'all kept drunk dialing me and crying well-nigh it.
Rick: I wasn't crying!
(Rick and Jessica keep to fence.)
Morty: Jacquelyn, I I-I-I wasn't who I said I was.
Jacquelyn: You lot weren't a 14-year-former boy from the Midwest who ran away from his family and capitalized on his lack of conscience by becoming a stock broker?
Morty: Oh. I judge I was pretty up front end about that, wasn't I?
Jacquelyn: You were up front about everything. You were my soul mate.
Morty: Well No-Not anymore. I'll, um Y-Yous can keep the apartment, and and and, uh the drones.
Rick: She can't keep the drones. They turn into a little Voltron robot. They're awesome.
(Robot drones transform into a Voltron robot.)
Rick: You lot can't keep the drones.
(Scene cuts to Harry Herpson High School. Jessica is in a hallway talking to her friends, while Morty is going through his locker.)
Daughter 1: Then, how was your date with Brad?
Jessica: It wasn't a date. We were just having tiffin.
Daughter two: You guys are getting back together, aren't you?
Morty: (Looks downward, sad.)
Rick: (Comes out of nowhere.) Morty, I need your help on an adventure. Eh, "need" is a potent word. We need door stops, but a brick would work, too.
Morty: Okay.
(Rick shoots a portal and walks through it.)
Jessica: Morty.
Morty: (Morty stops and looks at Jessica and smiles.)
Jessica: Skillful to take you lot back.
(Rick's arm shoots through the portal and grabs Morty, pulling him in.)
Girl one: Have you ever been peed on before? Oh, my God. Yum.
(CREDITS)
Credits song: Hey, did you e'er want to hold a terrifold? I got one correct here Grab my terri-flap Squeeze information technology Catch information technology, clasp information technology Tug on my terri-flap Hey, I want to take you to The terrifold dance Wanna come up with me? You can grab my holdie-folds Squeeze 'em tight Yous son of a bitch. Suck my holdie-flappy folds Lick my flappy foldie-holes My terri-flaps in your rima oris Suck my flaps, you piece of shit. Whoo!
(Subsequently CREDITS SCENE)
(Credits cut to the tower near the factory where Toxic Rick left the Toxifier. A man is seen explaining to people well-nigh the tower.)
Man: Although only a handful of moon towers remain today, they were pop in the late 19th century. An entire town could be illuminated by... (He sees the containment unit of measurement.) What the hell is this? (Out of marvel, he presses a push button, releasing toxin gas, and slimey Stacy. The man backs away, and accidentally falls off the tower, screaming all the way downwards.)
Stacey: Sea Cucumber! Ocean Cucumber!!
(END)
| five • east Transcripts | |
|---|---|
| Seasons | |
| Season 1 | Airplane pilot • Lawnmower Dog • Anatomy Park • M. Night Shaym-Aliens! • Meeseeks and Destroy • Rick Potion #9 • Raising Gazorpazorp • Rixty Minutes • Something Ricked This Way Comes • Close Rick-Counters of the Rick Kind • Ricksy Business |
| Flavour 2 | A Rickle in Time • Mortynight Run • Auto Erotic Assimilation • Total Rickall • Get Schwifty • The Ricks Must Be Crazy • Big Problem In Little Sanchez • Interdimensional Cablevision 2: Tempting Fate • Look Who'south Purging Now • The Wedding Squanchers |
| Season 3 | The Rickshank Rickdemption • Rickmancing the Stone • Pickle Rick • Vindicators 3: The Return of Worldender • The Whirly Dirly Conspiracy • Rest and Ricklaxation • Tales From the Citadel • Morty'due south Listen Blowers • The ABC'due south of Beth • The Rickchurian Mortydate |
Source: https://rickandmorty.fandom.com/wiki/Rest_and_Ricklaxation/Transcript
0 Response to "Or Picks Up His Phone Lyrics Back Up Again"
Post a Comment